RavenBlog - Comments 1106411562

Comments on Saturday 22 January 2005:

Today, I am annoyed by marketing. Of course, pretty much everyone is annoyed by marketing every day, but today I have specific complaints. The first one, which inspired me to rant, is Dell. They have on their website a statement that some of their laptops are "1.6 inches thin". No they fucking aren't. They're 1.6 inches thick. Their thickness is 1.6 inches. Look!

<--

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1.6"

The distance that is measured, and called thickness

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<-- ?

The corresponding imaginary and impossible distance that would be called thinness

Second order of the day is an advertisement for hardwood floors which showed us a ballbearing hitting the floor, labelled "273 gram impact" (and several before that with smaller weights). First things first, that's hardly a very compelling advertisement for your product - when I walk into a room there are repeated impacts of quite a lot more than a kilogram, and I'm not a heavy person. But more importantly, what the fuck does a 273 gram impact entail? The important factor, I believe, is a peak pressure - how much force is resisted over how small an area. You could be forgiven for just stating a force, since we would have a reasonable understanding of how large an area a 273 gram ballbearing's impact will cover. A mass, though, is essentially meaningless without a distance it was dropped from, or the speed at which it was travelling. There was no clue as to that - the advertisers give us a closeup played in slow motion. I can only assume that their floors' best ability is their ability to resist scratches from blunt objects weighing approximately a quarter of a kilogram dropped from a height of about 15 centimetres. Sign me up!

And third, my bank advertised on TV stating "we spend our working hours saying yes to car loans, yes to mortgages (etc.)". Towards the end of this spiel, there is a tiny near-illegible subscript on the screen, "to qualified applicants". Well of course you say yes to qualified applicants. Every bank, building society, credit union, shopkeeper and secret spy agency spends their working hours saying yes to fucking qualified applicants. What's the point of such a deceptive ad, if all it's going to do is trick people who aren't qualified applicants into coming into the bank and asking for things that they won't be able to get? Nobody wins.

If it weren't for the facts that my bank is excellent and that Dell have the best spec-to-price ratio I've found with regard to high-end laptops, I would take my business elsewhere on the basis of these stupid marketing efforts. But at least I can boycott the hardwood floors. If "intending never to purchase any sort of floor surface at all" can count as a boycott. [16:32]

Mrdillo

Advertising is corrupt. They slam you with figures and illegible information at the bottom of the clip which they show for about 5 seconds. Food ads are probably the worst. The food they show isn't even usually edible. They cook a patty for no more than 20 seconds on each side, then take a hot metal rod and put grill marks on the burger. Then they go through dozens of packages of buns to pick a perfect one. They then put a cardboard circle on the bun so the patty doesn't make it soggy. Lettuce and other vegetables are then place there with straight pins! Seasame seeds are then glued on the top bun individually. Only the goldenest fries are chosen to be stuck in florists foam with toothpicks. The shake they show is made out of shortening and some chemicals. They use a chemical tablet to make the steam. Advertisers will do practically anything to get people to buy their product. Some commercials lately don't even have anything to do with the product! Why can't they be truthful for once!

Dragonseye

Well advertising is corrupt but you have to admit it is ingenius. Although many people can see through the scam a lot of others can't and that's where these companies get their business. And they use mind tricks as well. Although they do as Mrdillo says they also hire celebrities. They show these celebrities eating their food and many people with weak minds think 'If I eat their I could look or feel like that' (even if its not intentional (can't spell and why would I waste my time with a dictonairy?)).

The banks I actually see as the worst. They say all these great things and as you said Raven, they have near illegible print at the end about qualified customers. So the people who don't see that go in and they either get turned down or they do qualify and, unless they have perfect credit and such, they get ripped off.

And don't ask me about ballbearing because I just walk on my carpet, I don't think about it.

Dragonseye

Oh, and I forgot to state that it was a good point about the impossible measurment of "thiness".

Mrdillo

I agree, that is a good statement.

Squander Two

Barclaycard sent me letters saying I'd been "pre-approved" for their cards, and that all I needed do was fill out an application form. So I filled it out and they turned me down. Considering that credit-checkign in this country is done by name and address, both of which they already had, what did "pre-approved" actually mean? Nothing, I tell you, nothing.

Cosmetics advertisers used to say "clinically proven" a lot, without saying what it was their product had been clinically proven to do. Either that's been outlawed, or people caught on. Their latest weeze is to say "30% lighter" or "twice as large" without saying "than" or "as". Bastards.

Dragonseye

Exactly. You're pre-approved to be offered an oppertunity to be approved.

Squander Two

I can't tell you how special that makes me feel.

Scarlet fever

Ridiculous, all of them. Advertisers are mean. *sniff*

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