Today I had an unusual sort of cup-noodle. The flavour of the noodle was "kung-fu vegetable". The closest things to a vegetable in the ingredients listing were corn oil, potato starch and pepper powder. Some evil white-haired martial arts fanatic had kicked several letters from the top of the box, as well as punching off the top of the logo-man's head, leaving only these words: "WOKKA vitamin enriched stir fr cupnoodles KUNG FU VEGETABLES". The side of the box, having been cowering in the back room at the time of the fight, was untouched, revealing that these cupnoodles are supposedly "stir fried", not merely stir fr. More importantly, the undamaged side of the box reveals the all-important zen koan "FREE FORK INSIDE", accompanied with an ancient buddhist pictogram of a fork, symbolically pointing from right to left.
Some unlikely assumptions were made by the manufacturer of the product as to the training level of the consumer. Perhaps they were safe in making these assumptions, as the untrained consumer would presumably look at the cup and think "what liars these WOKKA kung fu students are, claiming to fit an entire fork into such a small vessel! I'm going to honorable Nong Shim school instead." But that would be their mistake! For behold!
Now you may be thinking "what is this rubbish, that's no fork, how are you supposed to eat noodles with that?" But this is all part of the sneaky WOKKA way. Of course they can't say "secret ninja fork inside" on the box (maybe they originally did on the top), as that would only result in some sort of violent revenge. For you see, while this mighty tool can be concealed in a small round container, or a sleeve, a single flick of the wrist and POW!
Mighty power fork transformation of Buddha! Of course, for the convenience of fork secrecy one must make some sacrifices; the fork is only strong in three of the four directions, so you must eat carefully with the appropriate ninja spiralling motion. Your snake-fist training will come in handy here.
But the deeper secret of mighty ninja fork is this - please don't tell anyone about this or the clan will be after me - after the extending transformation, a solid chi pull on the tines results in one further combat transformation:
A powerful blade is yours to command, also with triple prongs at the reverse end with which to trap your opponent's blade and disarm him, or simply for a versatile stab while the blade is otherwise engaged. Use this secret wisely.
Also, the noodles tasted like crap. [10:28] [5 comments]
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