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Archive June 2006
Wednesday 28 June 2006
A delightful comment on a downloadable passworded zip file somewhere:
Where's The F In Password
A question that has baffled English-speaking humanity since the times of Shakespeare. [04:59] [1 comment]

Monday 26 June 2006
Grarh. In faffing with Tesco's online ordering, I generally get irritated by almost no items having ingredients listed (which is obviously annoying for me, what with not eating things that have any of a variety of common ingredients in). I've been mostly forgiving of this, on grounds of "I suppose it would be quite a bit of work to put in the ingredients for everything", but in today's annoyance was included this item, a breakfast cereal in whose description they saw fit to include such vital information as "hello, sleepy heads" and a variety of "FUNKY FACTS" such as "The mango is considered the apple or peach of the tropical countries." But no ingredients.

So, the one excuse for the lack of available information having been thus thoroughly invalidated, I now inconvenience myself by refusing to buy anything from them. Hooray! [15:39] [4 comments]

Friday 23 June 2006
In today's trip to the swimming pool, amusing things I saw include:
  • Derby Beauty Centre - I read it at first as implying a centre of Derby beauty, which is a delightfully horrifying concept and probably quite well represents what they do. There was a bit of sign near it that said something about spraying women orange-brown, and I imagine they also specialise in gluing faces into a pained smile.
  • A lovely bit of graffiti, only slightly larger than a hand; a solid letter B made of horizontal yellow stripes, with little insect wings.
  • A disposal company named "Peak Waste". I like to think their business plan relies on some theory like the reverse of Peak Oil, where waste becomes harder and harder to dispose of, so their prices will increase exponentially in the future, eventually resulting in a waste singularity of some sort.
[14:41] [1 comment]

Wednesday 21 June 2006
It's yet another "not very entertaining stuff that's going on in my life" post, hooray! But I do have some material to make it a bit more amusing this time, so don't write it off just yet.

As I think I mentioned I was going to, I went to examine Sheffield for myself to see whether it would be better than Lancaster or not, and the conclusion was "probably", with a bonus "certainly cheaper". In my wanderings, I surveyed the cheapest area (crimeville, they get occasional shootings there), the second-cheapest area (really quite nice, apparently ex-council houses that were assigned to retired or disabled people), and, accidentally, the single most expensive residential street in Sheffield (cue drooling. If I had one of those houses I might give up my plan to eventually have a custom-built house).

There wasn't a lot of comical material there though, because it was all pretty nice, and the funniest material is borderline horror, so in order to not be boring, I have to present a description of Sheffield as a comparison to Derby, where I am now and for another few months.
All buildings are uniform terraced brick.Buildings are a delightfully insane mix of castle-style stonework, brick, prefab, metal, tudor-style wood-frame things and glass.
Every female in the entire town looks like these monsters. (Aside: in a small-scale poll, Americans seem to think Tasha is the scariest, while others are split between devil-Savannah and the K+K monster twins.)There is no noticable pattern, females look like human beings.
Every male in the entire town (present company excluded, I'm just visiting) looks like Jamie Oliver, though I guarantee they can't cook, and possibly can't dress themselves. You are in a maze of twisty little faces all alike.There is no noticable pattern, males look like human beings.
Sewage-scent occasionally wafts through the town centre. Where it doesn't smell of sewage it smells of kebabs and Mr Smoketoomuch.I don't know, there was a bit of a brewery smell in one area, nothing too offensive. Most of it smelled like trees.
Roadworks are conveniently placed throughout the town to force all pedestrians to pass Argos. Nobody is working on the roadworks, but they're making a lot of noise anyway. One-way streets do the same thing for vehicles. Every road looks alike except for the one with Argos, so you can't tell where you're going until it's too late and you find you've purchased an inexpensive toaster.Roadworks are placed in a manner that barely inconveniences anyone, and are being worked on with near-silent rubber-coated mallets (really, I'm not making that up). All roads lead to approximately wherever you're trying to get to, and tree-covered hills act as fantastic landmarks and orientation-devices. If there is an Argos, it didn't at any point try to capture my soul while I was there.
A pattern I've noticed, the cheapest scummiest areas on the outskirts of cities tend to be comprised of car-repair places, and other car-related things. Every outskirt of Derby is full of car-repair places.Only crimeville in the north had prominent car-repair places. Cheapland to the south had the next step up, hardware stores. Derby seemingly has no hardware stores at all.
Interested in going out and doing something? Why not try getting drunk? No? Fuck you then!There are two universities, both reasonably inventive with the things-to-do they offer. Also many weird little bookshops and the like.

To be fair, I might miss Derby when I leave. If you look at the comparison above you'll see that the Derby side is a bit funny, and any humour in the Sheffield side is purely because of comparison to Derby. Still, I'm sure I'll find something to make fun of wherever I go, I'll just have to make a bit more effort. It'll probably be good for me, my inventiveness is atrophying with Derby just making me have a cheap laugh at its horribleness every time I go outside. [18:54] [3 comments]

Friday 9 June 2006
A game recommendation - turn-based-puzzle-combat game, in the same vein as Deadly Rooms of Death, Wonderquest. Gets quite tricky quite quickly.

Also, I found somewhere that can do me a mortgage, hooray! But now there's a new contender in towns, Sheffield may be fighting Lancaster for supremacy. It's cheaper, greener, marginally closer to the rest of England, and has a delightful concept, a "duelling society". Needs a visit to see whether I actually like it though. And has no Aeroball courts.

The "duelling society" is a bunch of people who, during duel tourneys, take part in up to five 'duels' per week, where a duel is any sort of challenge accepted by both participants. Fencing, waterpistols at dawn, chess, hat-stacking, holding-breath-competition, Tetris, sumo wrestling... The final in the last tourney was apparently conducted in a "Bobbing For Fruit" duel. What a fantastic idea. [06:12] [5 comments]