Our local supermarket is playing Christmas music. But not just any Christmas music. It's that special sort of Christmas music that plays when terrorists have taken over a building and the hero is in the ventilation system. Quiet slow-motion Christmas music that you just know is preceding the explosion of something large.
Backing up this theory is the fact that the child of the person in front of me in the queue was pointing at me and gleefully shouting "look! A baddie!" I think I'm the third most important henchman, the one who inevitably looks like Kyle Reese from Terminator, and whose reason for being there is to crack the safe but who also enjoys firing a shotgun vaguely in the direction of the hero. The child's mother was wilfully failing to understand what he was saying, which made it all the more fun because he kept repeating it. "A baddie!" More parents should let their eight-year-olds watch Die Hard, clearly.
For some reason, "December 31st" was chalked on the pavement outside the newsagent, twice, in suspiciously neat handwriting. I can only assume this is a terrorist message for me. Unfortunately, Mr Big forgot to actually hire me and tell me what the job is.
[02:12]
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