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Comments on Thursday 24 June 2004:
In addition to the zombie goodness, also fun from the trip to the suburb-of-Adelaide cinema is how cutely pathetic it is. I'm sure most of you are familiar with how cinemas generally have big swirly animated things explaining how you should switch off your cellphones, not throw popcorn, and so forth. In our cinema, on its really-not-very-big screen, all this was done with a sequence of four or five single frames. Each frame had its own soundtrack, separated from the others by a gap, such that the background music goes back to the start with each new frame even though it's the exact same music, making the announcements seem like some sort of hellish telephone hold-queue. One of the frames seemed to depict a large curly dog-turd in an ice-cream cone.

After these terrible frames come the proper advertisements made by other people. But they aren't proper expensive advertisements for products - no big-screen Tango ads here. No, instead they're for local shops. They don't animate either; the best of them had two frames. Why not visit the cafe that's in the same building as the cinema? How about going to Adelaide's surf shop? Or there are some shoes on sale somewhere nearby, if you fancy wandering around to look for them. But it'll be closed because it's 10pm.

About then came the best thing ever - the advertisement for placing advertisements. "Why not advertise on the big screen?" it challenges, after showing us the appallingness that will result if you do. "You'll have a captive audience!" It mentioned some other benefits too, but yes, it really did tell us, the audience, that we were captive to advertisers. Divertingly brutal, I thought.

Just before the trailers there was the second-best thing ever - an advertisement in a theatre for not downloading pirated movies. "You wouldn't steal a video from a video shop!" it informs us, "So you shouldn't download it because that's stealing too!" It says this without even any small print at the bottom telling the truth of the matter, that "piracy is legally distinct from stealing, so the thing we just said was an outright lie." This advertisement for stealing videotapes also opened with a display of someone's computer which obviously has the best broadband connection ever, even faster than copying from one hard-drive to another in the same machine. That or the movie they were downloading was less than one megabyte. I'd download thousands of movies if they downloaded half as quick as their imaginary evil Internet does it. "Hey, you people who have just paid money to see this movie - don't pirate things!" Surely the cinema audience is not the best target audience for this message?

Alas, the experience just doesn't seem as funny in the retelling. Perhaps I should sneak a video camera into the cinema next time so I can display the insanity properly. Do you think they'd mind if I distributed their anti-piracy advertisement on the Internet? [13:54]

AttackOfTheSpam
I actually read this one! And yes. To everything. I heartily agree and can think of nothing more to say than the surprising fact that I actually read the entire rant.

Gecko
I read the whole thing too! *high five* And I actually have something to say too!
Raven: for the "don't pirate" ad, was it the one with the fat old man telling us that he is a stunt man and we are hurting him badly if we pirate. Then he talks about how he gets out of burning cars *shot of burning car flashes across screen* It's great.

RavenBlack
No, it wasn't that spectacular. It looked more like 'The Net'. The woman looked about as cowish as Sandra Bullock too.

Nameless
I READ IT!!!

C. Copperpot
Yarr, mateys. I be a pirate. Arr.

If you download movies, it should be super-illegal not to either wear an eyepatch, have a peg-leg, or own a parrot. Or else you could be put on your government's scallywag list.

AttackOfTheSpam
We had Talk Like A Pirate Day at school a few months ago, and the entire AV club showed up with swords made of duct-taped floppy discs and giant earrings made of AOL CDs. It rocked.

Gecko
^ Isn't there some kind of "talk like a pirate" holiday? I remember Dave Barry writing a column about it.

AttackOfTheSpam
There is! It wasn't actually a school thing, but several people at my school (it's a high school, after all, so it's bound to be weird) haunt the Internet's odder sites, and they found out about it and made posters and everything.

On an unrelated note, Dave Barry rocks my socks.

Gecko
Ahh, talk like a pirate day at my high school was awesome last year. It was fun to scare all the preppy types.

Dave Barry does rock. ANd what's even more rockin' is that he writes a column for the post magazine, which I get every Sunday. (of course, that's not to say the post is the only paper with dave barry... just that it rocks)

AttackOfTheSpam
Man, I haven't read the newspaper since my Journalism class... I should probably start that again. But the Dallas Morning News doesn't have all that many awesome columnists or anything on a regular basis, so it's not that much of a loss.

C. Copperpot
Advertise in prison! You'll have a captive audience!

Though you'll be paid in cigarettes and humans.

justin
LoL<\/A>/@Copper, hahaha, nice, cigaretter and humans :P
Also>
I have seen that ad -.- and all of a sudden i have this odd urge to murder all bullock look alikes *nod nods*
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