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Comments on Sunday 25 April 2004:
And in somewhat opposition to my previous post - a review of the Total Gym 1000.

Why would I have such a thing? Having been vaguely intending to exercise for months, and not doing because exercise is boring and largely ineffective (sit-ups and push-ups can be repeatedly done to my limit with no tangible improvement over several weeks, and running is unbearably dull, uncomfortable and weather-prone), some form of more interesting exercise seemed in order. Considerations were a treadmill (since running while watching TV indoors would be less crap than running while watching boring scenery go past with the sun in your eyes, and wouldn't require putting on shoes), a rowing machine (on much the same basis) or some sort of multi-wossname device such as a Total Gym, Bowflex, or Weider Crossbow as the ones that I was aware of. Ab-swings and ridiculous things of that nature were not a consideration, because they're stupid and even their ads pretty much say "this is a completely ineffective form of exercise". And exercising only abs seems an especially stupid idea, too. Who wants a normal body with huge bulging abs? Unless you're wearing a crop-top or no shirt it'd just look like a beer belly. And even if the bulgy scary abs were showing they'd still look disgusting and out of place, like someone had photoshopped Schwarzenegger's neck onto the middle of your body.

Price comparisons of the various devices suggested that treadmills and rowing machines weren't really any cheaper than the more versatile devices. I was favouring Bowflex, since one of those appears in a Jackie Chan movie, so they must be good. Reviews, however, suggested that the Crossbow is essentially the same as the Bowflex, slightly better, and quite a lot cheaper. Some prodding around revealed the pointlessness of this initial research, since neither the Bowflex nor Crossbow were available in Australia at all, and there was approximately no hope of shipping them from elsewhere.

So, this leaves us with the Total Gym, with the rather less resounding endorsement of Chuck Norris, in the advertisement which is on at three in the morning every morning on every channel in every country. Online reviews of this suggested that it's not as good as the others, but those reviewers did helpfully qualify their statement - it's not as good for body-building. They suggested it's probably quite good for muscle-tone and general fitness, which is more what was wanted anyway.

As an added bonus, it was also available in Australia, and, for super bonus points, its base price was cheaper than any of the other considered devices. Clinching the deal, there were also several available on ebay, making it cheaper still. So, after a bit of ebay faffing, a Total Gym 1000 was acquired. Then the question - is it any good?

It's pretty much ideal. I'm glad there weren't any Bowflexes or Weider Crossbows available, since if there had been I might have got one of those, and for our purposes they wouldn't have been as good. Why not? Because the Total Gym isn't boring. It's like being on a slide whenever you exercise. You can be exercising your shoulders and going "whee!" at the same time. And then exercising your thighs and going "whee!" again. And watching TV. Some of the exercises you can even read while doing. And still going "whee!"

Some of the exercises in the book and on the website are a bit silly and contrived, such as "do sit-ups - but on a bit of a slope!" or "twist your sides a bit - while lying on the machine!" but most of them are quite sensible, and there's a decent range of muscle targetting. I can very much see that it wouldn't be a good thing for body-builders - I can do ten repetitions of most exercises on the second-highest setting, so presumably a strong person can do a kajillion of anything on the hardest setting. On the other hand, strong people will also weigh more than me, which would maybe make it only half a kajillion, since the lifted weight is dependent upon the weight of the user.

In conclusion, I very much recommend the device for anyone who wants to exercise, is lazy, hates going outside, and likes going "whee!". So, er, us. And presumably Chuck Norris. [11:17]

AttackOfTheSpam
Hey! That's that red-head guy who comes on Comedy Central after Insomniac, inexplicably always hanging around Brooke Shields, isn't it? I HATE that guy! Doesn't he just look like he'd be a pedophile, or at least prone to shouting lewd comments at seventh graders?

As for the actual topic, excellent. I think my dearest mother may be buying a home-gym-esque contraption soon; I'll probably end up telling her I found a good review of it in my Biology book. If I say I found something in my Biology book, she believes me. Even when I told her that unmatured eggs are called "oomphytes."

RavenBlack
Mm, Chuck Norris is a scary man. Also, at the end of Walker: Texas Ranger, the theme song is clearly about gay rape.

Earthworm Fanatic
Really? A review of a total workout thingy in a biology book? Not even my father would believe that.

Nameless
why do you hate going outside?

RavenBlack
There are people and weather.

AttackOfTheSpam
Also birds, which tend to be attracted to shiny things. Shiny things like blonde hair.

Skitz
weather isn't so bad. It's the people I can't stand. Give me a home that's miles from everyone else and I wouldn't mind going outside all the time. Put me in the city and you're asking for me to commit a crime.

Maxor
What I wonder is weather or not reven will actually keep on the thing, or weather in this aspect he will be like 80% of the population who buys home excersize equipment and within one year doesn't us it anymore. I actually give it about 50-50 in this case because reven generally seems like he's fairly strongwilled and secondly he might keep on it just to not be like everyone else.

Maxor
sorry about consistanly spelling raven wrong.... theres somone I know who goes by the handle reven who I corespond with rather more and it seems my figures have something of a memory of their own.

AttackOfTheSpam
Birds suck, though. Especially crows. Crows are pure, unfiltered evil. Evil with a penchant for grabbing shiny things.

Ravens might be alright. We don't get many in Texas, so the only ones I've seen are the ones they keep at the Tower of London, and they were pretty far off.

MorbidCorvid
Crows? Evil? Never! I think the Texas-ness is getting to your head...

MorbidCorvid
Though I do quite like your work with the SPT.

Severin
Alas.... I live in Texas as well, and we seem to get alot of crows. Speaking of them, I have this school project coming along, and I was looking for a good picture of a raven. The first thing I thought was to go here. I'll just look....

But back on the subject of the home gym, I have to say, I'm not as fortunate to have one as some of you. But push-ups seem to do well for me, so I shouldn't complain.

AttackOfTheSpam
The only reason crows suck is that, when my hair was lighter (it darkened as I aged), the ones living in front of my school would swoop down and pull bits of my hair out. I have feared crows ever since.

Well, more passionately hated than feared. Passionately hated with a promise of revenge.

By the way, what's an SPT?

MorbidCorvid
Considering that post, I think I too would hate crows. Or maybe still love them, just discreetly, so that they wouldn't be able to tell. And laugh at them while their backs are turned.

I was referring to the STP's mentioned in your website. I assumed that it would have been your own work. Aparrently I assumed wrong. I beg forgiveness.

MorbidCorvid
Wait... SPT's, not STP's. Sorry.

Nameless
An edit function......
It would be nice to have on here, then again it would require alot of fairly needless work for raven comparitievely, requiring you to log in to post so that each post can be edited by the person with that username, or I suppose that each post could get assigned a cookie and the person who had that saved for their browser could then edit that post but who really likes keeping cookies around? still if you could edit out for simple silly mistakes it'd be nice..... Its not so much I can't proof read my own stuff; it's more along the lines of immediately after I write something it's still in my head and coming from their as much as me readinging it from in front of me so i tend to gloss over my own mistakes without noticing.

MorbidCorvid
That would be nice, but essentially it would just end up taking more work than it's actually worth. Unless Raven is happening to be suffering from sever boredom and just feels like giving in to our whims. The possibilities of chronic boredom are endless. Maybe.

MorbidCorvid
Already a mistake. Severe, not sever.

AttackOfTheSpam
MorbidCorvid: Oh! Strawberry Pop-Tarts. No, not my own; that one's been going around the Internet for quite some time. I think my dad actually led me there... that was, of course, before he let me have the old toaster and a box of apple streudel, no questions asked. There are some very interesting scorch marks in the driveway now, though. And if you enjoyed that, you can click my name for the T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. project - it's in quite the same vein. You might also try http://www.members.kconline.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/kerrw/pb.pl?category=_rating=_blocksize=100_startuse=901search= for a LOT of uses for peanut butter, but only if you've got WAY too much free time.

Editing would be nice, but I think it'd be better to leave it out. Then we can all laugh at those who make mistakes.

Not, of course, that I ever laugh at those unblessed with the Spastic Editing Gene, as I was. Much.

pat
i am disabled and thought with my weight at 200 it would do me good. sop what do you have to say about that.

RavenBlack
Nothing at all.

Anna
heyi like ur commets

KAYLA
ILOVE YOU
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