|Important News! On the American Sci-fi channel on Saturday, there are three movies in a row that must, based on their names, be fantastic. "Trans-morphers: Fall of Man", "The Terminators" and "I Am Omega".|
I picked up a leaflet in a bank the other day, while waiting far too long for service, entitled "Make Peace With Your Money". I expected it to be retarded, but the degree to which it was retarded was still a surprise.
"Because unemployment lasts longer than in years past, instead of a 3 month emergency fund you should now have 6 months, or even 12 months if you have dependents. If the budgeting strategies on page 3 won't get you there quickly enough, you may have to take more drastic action, like temporarily redirecting 401(k) contributions that you're making over your company's match." Seriously? What tiny proportion of the population is the target audience of this advice?
"The percentage of your portfolio that should be in stocks is now 110 minus your age, rather than the 100 minus your age that it used to be." Take note, newborns, 110% of your portfolio should be in stocks. Ten year olds, 100% of your portfolio in stocks. 100 year olds, 10% of your portfolio in stocks! Gotta save for the future!
There was something in there about avoiding stressing your relationship; that you shouldn't be arguing over "you bought $150 golf shoes!" but rather "how can we save $150 more a month." I think you'll find that you should, in fact, be arguing over your partner buying $150 golf shoes if you're needing to save an extra $150 a month because stopping that is the obvious way to do it. And again, $150 golf shoes? Target audience?
To figure out how big a nest egg you'll need for retirement, insert your ideal annual income into this formula: ____ * 30. What the hell is going on here? My ideal annual income is a trillion dollars, so apparently I need a 30 trillion dollar nest egg. Or maybe you mean my actual annual income, in which case how am I supposed to save up 30 times my annual income? Do I spend none of my income for 30 years, or maybe 'only' half of it while working for 60 years? Since neither of those are plausible, perhaps the bank is suggesting that we each need to rob a bank before we retire?
Oh hey, the leaflet is online! [14:14] [2 comments]