|Rargh, stupid bloody advances in graphics hardware. Five years ago, games looked pretty. Now that graphics hardware is good enough for 'realism', games look 'realistic', by which I mean "bland and lacking in contrast and a bit shit really". I know a lot of people thought Oblivion was the prettiest thing ever, and orgasm-inducing, but those people are wrong, it was grey, sometimes with a hint of brown.|
Now, a year later, the next generation consoles are coming out, and even the Wii, with its not having bothered to upgrade the graphics hardware so much, has its flagship game The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess looking like the screenshot in that link. Now, I realise the name does say "twilight" right there in it, a fine warning that everything is supposed to look bland and grey and poorly lit, but for fuck's sake, couldn't they have gone with "The Legend Of Zelda: Pretty Goddamn Sparkly Princess" or something? Didn't Link used to wear green, not grey with grey highlights? Thank goodness for the splash of greyish red fading to grey that the plant monster is, or there'd be no colour in the image at all. Yes yes, I concede that the blue sparkle is actually blue, and not grey, but that's no part of the scenery.
By 2009, all games will require $5000 of graphics hardware to render their uniform grey rectangle with sufficient uniformity to satisfy gamers. I'm going to start queueing outside Best Buy right now so as to be the first to get a cutting edge CataraX graphics card. [06:34] [0 comments]