|Comments on Friday 11 October 2002:|
|People around here are behaving strangely skittishly about Mr Sniper, apparently instinctively following the advice of sniper experts. But should they be? Consider, there are about 16 traffic fatalities, per 100000 people, per year. Maryland's population is about 5 million. So that's about 800 deaths per year due to traffic, in Maryland. Is Mr Sniper killing 2.2 people every day? No. So which should you be more worried about, going out on the road or getting shot by a sniper? And that's without even considering the many non-fatal injuries caused by cars.
|Have to agree with you. I've been hit by a car, but have yet to be shot by a sniper. As an expert in getting hit by a car, let me offer some advice. Considering the statistics above, this advice is far more likely to save your life than the advice of sniper experts.|
Drink a lot at all times. Alcohol acts as a muscle relaxant. When you are hit by a car it's important to remain relaxed. Tense up and you're likely to hurt yourself badly. A study conducted by myself and a bunch of guys I met in a pub indicates that being drunk is the single greatest contributing factor to surviving being hit by a car.
When the car hits you, roll into it rather than trying to escape. Make love to the car. It's no coincidence that you can't spell caress without car (The ess refers to the best soundcard to use when playing back your caresses. I know, you'd think it'd be something from Creative but they seem to lack in the live screeching area).
The place you want to be is the centre of the windscreen. If you've rolled properly, this is where you'll end up. This is the best place to hit a car, as it's the most vulnerable point. Smash the windscreen and the driver is up for some serious cash. Plus, it looks really cool and makes you feel like a Hollywood stuntman.
Once hit by a car, make sure nobody calls the police. Get them to call an extra ambulance instead. The police are likely to ask questions that can lead to you paying for a new windscreen. And ambulance lights are more exciting, generally they are higher off the ground than the police and so can reach a greater audience. Of course, you don't want to actually get into an ambulance at any stage, as they will charge you.
I hope this information is of some service.
|it's also a bad idea to get hit by a car more than twice in the one evening.|
|I've seen pictures of the victims in the British newspapers. From a distance of about 20 feet, I mistook them all for ethnic minorities. Some black, some Spanish, but mostly Asian looking. A closer look revealed that I was wrong in most cases. But I was a good sniper distance away.|
Has no one noticed this?
|What would really suck is dying in a car crash because the driver was shot dead by a sniper.|
|Well, the 'expert's' opinion now is that the 'Beltway Sniper' is mostly only killing within reach of an easy getaway, i.e. interstates/highways. If cornered, it's entirely possible that the sniper's last victims could be motorists.|
|Shooting drivers of moving vehicles. With a sniper rifle. It's probably not the best weapon for it. As the 'expert advice' says, "keep moving". Cars do that a lot.|
|Uh, alcohol is a stimulant. Your muscles were not relaxed due directly to the alcohol. Most likely the fact that you were inebriated caused a delay in your reaction, causing you not to tense up before the crash. So, your reasoning is false, but it's still good advice. ;)|
|I don't think stimulant implies not muscle relaxant, does it? Accelerating physiological activity doesn't necessarily conflict with relaxing.|